bob barker made me do it

dear kittie,

i am so sorry to have to tell you this but next week some mean old man-who i am paying a lot of money but since you are a cat and have no concept of money-just blame it on the mean old man, is going to cut off your furry man bits.  i am so sorry, but not really cuz there's nothing like curling up with your fluffy little kittie only to realize that kittie's BIG FURRY BALLS are reclining on your arm. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwmcmuffin!  i am sure that in the last year you have spread enough seed throughout our neighborhood to start your own grey kittie colony and take over the world so i do not feel that i am robbing you of any potential progeny.  and kittie, i hate to tell you but all of our friends are afraid of your balls.  that's the first thing they notice when they meet you, "aw, what a beautiful cat.......HOLY SHIT DID YOU SEE THE SIZE OF HIS BALLS!!!!"  let's face it, they gotta go.  i told hubby to see if the vet would let me keep them, i thought i could make them into a key chain or hang them from my rearview mirror.  is that weird?  no, what's weird is grey furry man bits on your arm.