watching

tomorrow will be dude's last day of pre-school.  this didn't actually hit me until today.  after a summer of fun and sun my baby will be joining the big kids, doing school lunch and recess, gym class and bullies.  my heart is heavy with the thought.  everyday i wake up and go into his room still expecting my little round baby with a soggy diaper, cuddling his monkey, to be waiting.  instead i am greeted by a long-limbed skinny man-boy with Transformers and baseball posters on the wall.  i think it is the realization that he is the last that has been my undoing.  no more yummy baby smell.  no more rocking a sweet sweaty babe at 3 in the morning.  no more first steps or first words.  no more being the center of someones universe.  i am overjoyed at who he's become-a sensitive, silly, loving little brother.  i am proud of how he has handled the changes our family's path has taken and how he has embraced the lack of one parent in one household and the addition of one in the other.  he has inherited a big brother whom he adores and idolizes and he is still so close with his sissy that it is painful for both of them.  i can only hope that he continues to grow in such a beautiful way that 13 years from now when i am sending him off to his last day of school my feelings are just as vivid and raw.