living the dream but i just can't wake up from the nightmare

my job sucks.  most people say that but what they really mean is "my job sucks because i have to get up before noon and i don't get to hang out with rock stars and eat cocaine laced cupcakes all day."  my job sucks because it really really does suck.  it is painful to go to.  it is physically sickening to drag my sorry butt in every day.  every night hubby and i play the "who's job sucks more game" and no matter what atrocities he conjure up i always win.  i win because up until a week ago i was the only one there.  not like, oh everyone is at lunch or i'm the only one here who i can relate to-no it's just me.  big ole office, lots of computers, four phone lines but only one employee-moi! all day long it's me dealing with all of the glorious losers coming in and thinking that i owe them a job.  as a recruiter that is my job, to find other people jobs, but not everyone really DESERVES a job.  the other day i had a guy come in wearing dirty grey sweat pants, one of those old "big johnson" t-shirts and a copenhagen hat.  first of all, the only place sweat pants (the dirty perv kind with the elastic at the ankles) belong is in a saturday night live skit.  they just should not be done.  it looks like your smuggling a bunch o' bananas in there.  not hot.  but somehow i don't think that was what this guy was going for.  i think he was going for more of a "look i can breath and my hands kinda work so you should give me a job so i can buy bologna and kool-aid  for my 13 kids back at the trailer park and maybe i'll have a little left over to buy a case of old milwaukee to drink myself silly and limp so my old lady can't trick me into fertilizing her again" look and he nailed it. he stood in front of me, a big cloud of wrong, and wanted to know what i could do for him.  okay i realize that this is what i am supposed to do, to do something for this tard but when people just expect me to fawn all over them just because they humped their lazy ass into my office and interrupted my love affair with perez hilton, we are totally off on the wrong foot (did i mention that that foot was wearing white reebok high-tops?)  but, i had jobs to fill and i needed bodies so i forced myself to play nice.  when i asked de wayne (oh yes that was his name) what kind of work he was looking for he paused, kind of cocked his head like a dumb puppy, snapped his fingers and then reached into his pocket (yes they were the sweatpants with pockets-where else would you keep your winstons?) after digging around down there a little toooo long his filthy hand reappeared with his treasure-his hearing aid.  after he popped that puppy in i asked him again what kind of work he was looking for.  this time he snapped his fingers and reached into THE OTHER pocket!  Not to get his other hearing aid oh no that would have been too....not wrong.  no, he reached into his pocket and pulled out HIS FRICKIN' TEETH!  his teeth, those things that most people carry around in their mouths-no not de wayne.  apparently they were only for special occasions.  special occasions like harassing poor staffing girls who sit alone in their office all day and pray that no one comes in because they aren't wearing their shoes and their bra was pinching so they took it off and it's still lying on the desk next to the 4 cans of dr pepper and bag of swedish fish they had for lunch.  when de wayne finally got his face situated he told me that he would take anything but that he felt his skills lie more in the secretarial field and did i have anything with maybe a law firm?  he thought that that would be the best place for him since he had "experience" with the law and maybe if he "got in thar wit thems" he could get a few free pointers about some "upcoming events."  it is when things start going this way that i reeeeeally hate being alone with these freaks.  thankfully de wayne's one good eye didn't see me snatch my cell phone out of my purse and call myself on the office line.  when the phone rang i answered it and went into a big production about how one of my employees ran a forklift off of a loading dock (it's happened-twice) and yes yes i will be right there!  I apologized to de wayne and told him that i was going to have to close the office for the day and he would have to come back another day.  he very graciously offered to stay and keep the office open for me because again, office work is his calling and he is very good at "watchin' stuff,"  but i had to decline his offer and then gently kick him out the door as i locked up, got in my mini-van and called it a day.